I know after taking this long sabbatical I should write something appeasing for you “genesis” but this is just another random rush of my synapses.
As my college is about to get over this year and we are supposed to become really mature and level headed professionals {that’s what they suppose} there’s a lot that life’s is still unveiling. It’s strange that a person like me who has been with motley categories of people and has a gargantuan friend circle (social circle to be precise) could go so wrong in his approach towards friendship.
I am a person of the psyche that “what goes around, comes around” and always religiously followed the doctrine. In the last two years I realised that people I had least expectations with lived up to them and the people I always expected to be my side when I really needed them disappointed me up to a certain extent. This phenomenon led me to inevitably ponder that “expectation is the mother of all grief”, though it works all the time but on a very sadistic and abstinent note. I started to design this martinet approach of approaching people and letting people approach me and I lost some of the very beautiful and worthy people in this restructuring process.
But life’s like an entrepreneurial endeavour of gradual learning and recovering from momentary setbacks. You formulate a business plan, identify your niche, hammer out a strategy and calculate the risk. Apparently I am realising that I never calculated risks and even if I did those risks were worth investing for, but it all seems in vain now. I am really not able to let go of relations, people and life. I am having expectations again and more importantly people have expectations with me too, which is slightly more problematic.
“Life screws you exactly when you think you’ve figured it out”. I am perplexed, amused, bewildered and jittery but feel alive. Yes, I do and after a very long time.
